Arielle's birth
by Jill
In September of 2001, right after the 9/11 disaster, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Arielle. It seemed so symbolically fitting, life after loss. I glowed with joy, excitement and anticipation. Although she was not planned, I knew I wanted her more than anything. Being a mommy was my ultimate dream and hearing her little heartbeat in my womb brought a smile to my face and my heart like I had never known before.
The pregnancy was amazing, finally using for myself and my baby the relaxations and visualizations that I had been teaching to others; finally feeling inside my own body the little kicks I described to women in my classes; finally knowing the joy of pre-birth bonding and finally using what I’ve learned and taught and practiced so many times in preparation for my own birth.
Six weeks before I was due, I developed pre-eclampsia, after having experienced a perfectly smooth pregnancy. My little ankles turned into coconuts and I was lucky if I could see my way to the bathroom past the black dots and not fall over into the toilet. After almost fainting at my Mother’s Day lunch, I ended up in the emergency room, fighting HELLP syndrome and hoping to stay alive long enough to deliver my daughter.
Since delivery was in fact the only cure, I was induced that evening. I was a certified advanced clinical hypnotherapist. I had spent my life focusing on natural childbirth, relaxations and visualizations for birth. I had practiced and fantasized about this birth all my life. But that moment, the moment that was supposed to be the most magical of a woman’s existence, I was wired up to a cold bed and two IVs.
But then my daughter punched me a few times and reminded me that it’s okay! We are still in this together. She can still benefit from my relaxations, as could I. Suddenly the sterile room and tray full of needles didn’t matter. I began a self guided relaxation and pictured each contraction as a wave, rising and falling. I focused on the waves crashing against the shore and dissipate into bubbles, allowing my pain to dissipate and dissolve into the sand. Amid doctors and nurses all clambering about, I felt my body, felt my baby, focused and relaxed.
Being a teaching hospital, the room was full of students, interns and residents, all checking out the mama with HELLP syndrome. I floated into another world, knowing that the best thing for my baby at that point was to keep both of us calm. As they decided an epidural was necessary due to the induction, I pictured the ocean again as I leaned over to share my spine with the steel piercing my skin. Images of jelly fish floated in then faded away. The epidural took off the edge, but still, each wave came, feeling like a menstrual cramp, squeezing my baby down the canal to me.
When the time came to push, I sat up in my hospital bed and reached down to help out my daughter. I felt her tiny head, all covered in fuzzy, wet hair. So entranced by the energy, power, relaxations and love I didn’t realize until later that the poor medical students were aghast that my ungloved hand dare touch the antiseptic swabbed birth area.
As she emerged, they let daddy cut her cord and take her over to the neonatologist for her first check up. I floated down from one cloud and
gently plopped onto another as she was finally handed to me. I took her into my arms and brought her tiny little body to my chest as I
looked into the dreamy deep blue eyes of my little girl for the first time, and smiled. We did it.
by Jill
In September of 2001, right after the 9/11 disaster, I found out I was pregnant with my daughter Arielle. It seemed so symbolically fitting, life after loss. I glowed with joy, excitement and anticipation. Although she was not planned, I knew I wanted her more than anything. Being a mommy was my ultimate dream and hearing her little heartbeat in my womb brought a smile to my face and my heart like I had never known before.
The pregnancy was amazing, finally using for myself and my baby the relaxations and visualizations that I had been teaching to others; finally feeling inside my own body the little kicks I described to women in my classes; finally knowing the joy of pre-birth bonding and finally using what I’ve learned and taught and practiced so many times in preparation for my own birth.
Six weeks before I was due, I developed pre-eclampsia, after having experienced a perfectly smooth pregnancy. My little ankles turned into coconuts and I was lucky if I could see my way to the bathroom past the black dots and not fall over into the toilet. After almost fainting at my Mother’s Day lunch, I ended up in the emergency room, fighting HELLP syndrome and hoping to stay alive long enough to deliver my daughter.
Since delivery was in fact the only cure, I was induced that evening. I was a certified advanced clinical hypnotherapist. I had spent my life focusing on natural childbirth, relaxations and visualizations for birth. I had practiced and fantasized about this birth all my life. But that moment, the moment that was supposed to be the most magical of a woman’s existence, I was wired up to a cold bed and two IVs.
But then my daughter punched me a few times and reminded me that it’s okay! We are still in this together. She can still benefit from my relaxations, as could I. Suddenly the sterile room and tray full of needles didn’t matter. I began a self guided relaxation and pictured each contraction as a wave, rising and falling. I focused on the waves crashing against the shore and dissipate into bubbles, allowing my pain to dissipate and dissolve into the sand. Amid doctors and nurses all clambering about, I felt my body, felt my baby, focused and relaxed.
Being a teaching hospital, the room was full of students, interns and residents, all checking out the mama with HELLP syndrome. I floated into another world, knowing that the best thing for my baby at that point was to keep both of us calm. As they decided an epidural was necessary due to the induction, I pictured the ocean again as I leaned over to share my spine with the steel piercing my skin. Images of jelly fish floated in then faded away. The epidural took off the edge, but still, each wave came, feeling like a menstrual cramp, squeezing my baby down the canal to me.
When the time came to push, I sat up in my hospital bed and reached down to help out my daughter. I felt her tiny head, all covered in fuzzy, wet hair. So entranced by the energy, power, relaxations and love I didn’t realize until later that the poor medical students were aghast that my ungloved hand dare touch the antiseptic swabbed birth area.
As she emerged, they let daddy cut her cord and take her over to the neonatologist for her first check up. I floated down from one cloud and
gently plopped onto another as she was finally handed to me. I took her into my arms and brought her tiny little body to my chest as I
looked into the dreamy deep blue eyes of my little girl for the first time, and smiled. We did it.
